takde tajuk please..

Sometimes aku terfikir.. sampai bila aku nak jadi macam ni. Still di takuk lama without any perubahan.

Yang pasti, saat ni, hati aku sakit dan perit diterjah pelbagai situasi-situasi yang kurang manis dan memberi tekanan.

I'm not looking forward to date orang kaya. Ya rabbi, mintak simpang lah. Aku ni bukan mata duitan. If I am a gold digger, dah mampus pakcik-pakcik pariah yang kaya aku ranapkan. I just need someone who is financially secure, tak payah kaya raya. Kalau pandai menguruskan duit, memang bagus sangat-sangat la. Mommy selalu cakap, "Jangan jadi hamba duit.." so, itulah yang aku cuba terapkan dalam life aku ni.. Cuma yang tak bestnya, aku ni sekarang dah ada double responsibility, tak macam dulu. Stress memang stress, macam-macam aku fikir sampai kadang-kadang aku rasa, it affects my relationship with other people as well. Tak boleh tido malam, jiwa jadik kacau.. Haih.. Entahla.

Dek kerana macam-macam benda yang circulate around aku nih, for once, I need an escapism. With orang yang aku sayang. Pegi tengok wayang ke, round-round KL ke.. Or jalan-jalan cari makan ke (sebab aku memang suka makan, cuma lately ni selera macam kureng sikit..). Tapi, malangnye, tu sumer mimpi-mimpi indah aje. Takkan jadik realiti pun..

Oh, how much it hurts, thinking about it buat aku rasa macam nak nangis.

Have you ever felt about running away - to a place where everyone around you are strangers?

Honestly, I do. I feel like dumping everything behind and start over a new life. My heart is aching too much. I listen to other people problems' a lot, but no one is willing to be there to hear my ups and downs. My sorrows and happiness.

Or mungkin aku ni dah ditakdirkan membujang sampai ke tua?

Tak tau lah nak cakap apa.

untitled.

Gone are the days filled with rainbows and butterflies.

Sometimes, I feel like a walking zombie. I don't know what else to do anymore. Everything is going downhill, it frustrates me. A lot. I'm not sure if I can think straight anymore.

I'm tired of taking care of other people, but in the end, nobody cares how I feel, or what leads me to feeling this way. Sometimes, I feel like crying my heart out because I don't think there's somebody out there for me. Sometimes, I feel like giving up and walk my way out. But I can't.

My mom is my first up most priority. When she's hurting, I feel the pain too. And I tried my best to be there for her as much as I could, but its eating me alive. I do wonder, though, if I can pull this off on my own. Alone. Not literally alone, but with my mom by my side. I'll do my best to make her happy - to see her being upset all the time makes me feel like a big failure. And to see my relationship going downhill, is making me nauseating.

I don't know who to trust anymore. Or if I can ever trust anyone else at all. One day, everything was completely perfect and few seconds later, nothing is ever right. I'm sick and tired having to deal with this, and having no one to understand what I truly felt inside. I know there's nothing much I can do to ractify the situation but the thoughts of trying lingers around, makes me feel bad more than ever.

Honestly, I can't satisfy everyone.

And I'm not sure if I can trusts men either. What they did normally would be.. walking out on you when they've got what they want. What a bloody selfish bastard.

You stupid old hag!

There's this saying that I've just invented:

"Once a white thrash, you'll always be a white thrash!"

Long story short, once upon a time, there was this old Canadian hag. He is almost 60, with a plastic penis (yeah, because he has erectile dysfunction so he had a plastic inserted inside his dying schlong) for his hos, a balding head, he is superstitious (come on, he believes every little piece of crappy Shaman talks -__-) and very pengotor nak mampus. He thinks the world revolves around him because he has a lotta money. COME ON. Nobody gives a a flying fuck except a Filipino gold digger who's probably my age. When someone so young dated an old hag like you, all she thinks about is the day you'll die and the kaaaching she's gonna get. Geddit, you douche bag?

Oh yes, I'm angry. I'm beyond angry. My mom married this douche, treated him like a king and now he's tossing her away because he found a new herpes infected vagina to play with.

Luckily, I've just got a new job. I can't wait to get away from this mess and shit. Packing all our stuff and leave. This old hag can roll and die on the streets for all I care. I feel like setting his clothes on fire. Fucking douche. Asshole.

Sorry for all the swearing but I really hope that he'll stumble upon this blog of mine and realize that he was never welcome to enter this family at the first place.

Mother fucker.