-__-

Sometimes terfikir jugak..

Buat apa ada kekasih hati yang tak tahu nak memujuk lansung? Memang I suka marah-marah bila hormon tengah macam orang gila, takkan itu pun tak boleh nak faham?


Rimas la macam ni.. Dahla suka hang up telephone macam budak kecik. COME ON LA, GROW A PAIR AND FUCKING GROW UP ALREADY.

I'm so sick of your selfish and childish behavior! If my way of cooling down is by ranting and nagging 24/7, LET ME DO SO. Don't stop me by doing otherwise, you fucking moron!

AAAAAGH! TENSION GILA!!

FAV QUOTE.. evah!

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out
of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at
my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." — Marilyn Monroe

Laziness strikes!

Last week, I was hospitalized for a week due to a viral fever. Sounds crazy, eh? But it is. I haven't been into the hospital for over 10 years and suddenly, I fell sick and the rest, is history. Thank you Air Asia for giving me the chance to stay in the hospital after oh-so-many years.

Today, I had a good time taking Mommy out to Sunway Pyramid. We ate at Ichiban Ramen, then I bought her some toiletries and stuff. And also, her favorite lipstick from The Face Shop. I know that what I did is nothing to brag about but seeing the glow on my Mom's face is PRICELESS. Thank you Mommy for taking such a good care of me when I was sick. I love you so much!

Relationship wise - everything is OKAY. I miss my boyfriend so much.

untitled.

Yes, you read that right. This entry is completely untitled.

At the moment, what I can think of is.. I hope I can survive going through these pains.

And stop thinking about how worthless I am.

I am not worthless. You are going to miss me when I'm gone. Don't doubt that - its gonna happen very soon.

Whewww, after oh-so-long!

First thing first... *drum rolls*

I've got a new job! And I've been working at my new work place for over 3 months now (sorry for not updating.. I don't think I have readers on this blog anyways so yeah. Yupp.)

And I don't really have anything to write, except for the fact that my life was a huge mess two months ago.. But, i sorted it out epically. I don't even know how the hell did I do it but I did, okay. Isn't revenge is sweet? AMBIK KAU! :3

OK - now that sounds a bit scary.

Alright, currently I'm undergoing a training for 3 weeks ++ and I'm now on my second week. Time flies so darn fast, don't you think? At first, I mean, for the first two days, IMO, I think the training is boring yada yada and I was dying to go back to work.. but as the days go by.. I started to enjoy the company of my new foreign friends, they're pretty cool peeps! :) Well, the rest of my colleagues are cool too, lucky moi :P

Mmm..

Its 2 am, and I have to get up in less than 4 hours. My back hurts so bad and I guess its a sign for me to go to bed.

Oh, one more think.. I'm kinda annoyed right now but I'm not gonna write about "it" here. I have many lurkers lurking over me so I don't want nasty rumors to start and spread like wild fire. I don't need any at the moment so yeah, I think I'm gonna STFU and suck my right thumb while pretending everything is okay.

Awesome. Now, bed time.

Nite!

takde tajuk please..

Sometimes aku terfikir.. sampai bila aku nak jadi macam ni. Still di takuk lama without any perubahan.

Yang pasti, saat ni, hati aku sakit dan perit diterjah pelbagai situasi-situasi yang kurang manis dan memberi tekanan.

I'm not looking forward to date orang kaya. Ya rabbi, mintak simpang lah. Aku ni bukan mata duitan. If I am a gold digger, dah mampus pakcik-pakcik pariah yang kaya aku ranapkan. I just need someone who is financially secure, tak payah kaya raya. Kalau pandai menguruskan duit, memang bagus sangat-sangat la. Mommy selalu cakap, "Jangan jadi hamba duit.." so, itulah yang aku cuba terapkan dalam life aku ni.. Cuma yang tak bestnya, aku ni sekarang dah ada double responsibility, tak macam dulu. Stress memang stress, macam-macam aku fikir sampai kadang-kadang aku rasa, it affects my relationship with other people as well. Tak boleh tido malam, jiwa jadik kacau.. Haih.. Entahla.

Dek kerana macam-macam benda yang circulate around aku nih, for once, I need an escapism. With orang yang aku sayang. Pegi tengok wayang ke, round-round KL ke.. Or jalan-jalan cari makan ke (sebab aku memang suka makan, cuma lately ni selera macam kureng sikit..). Tapi, malangnye, tu sumer mimpi-mimpi indah aje. Takkan jadik realiti pun..

Oh, how much it hurts, thinking about it buat aku rasa macam nak nangis.

Have you ever felt about running away - to a place where everyone around you are strangers?

Honestly, I do. I feel like dumping everything behind and start over a new life. My heart is aching too much. I listen to other people problems' a lot, but no one is willing to be there to hear my ups and downs. My sorrows and happiness.

Or mungkin aku ni dah ditakdirkan membujang sampai ke tua?

Tak tau lah nak cakap apa.

untitled.

Gone are the days filled with rainbows and butterflies.

Sometimes, I feel like a walking zombie. I don't know what else to do anymore. Everything is going downhill, it frustrates me. A lot. I'm not sure if I can think straight anymore.

I'm tired of taking care of other people, but in the end, nobody cares how I feel, or what leads me to feeling this way. Sometimes, I feel like crying my heart out because I don't think there's somebody out there for me. Sometimes, I feel like giving up and walk my way out. But I can't.

My mom is my first up most priority. When she's hurting, I feel the pain too. And I tried my best to be there for her as much as I could, but its eating me alive. I do wonder, though, if I can pull this off on my own. Alone. Not literally alone, but with my mom by my side. I'll do my best to make her happy - to see her being upset all the time makes me feel like a big failure. And to see my relationship going downhill, is making me nauseating.

I don't know who to trust anymore. Or if I can ever trust anyone else at all. One day, everything was completely perfect and few seconds later, nothing is ever right. I'm sick and tired having to deal with this, and having no one to understand what I truly felt inside. I know there's nothing much I can do to ractify the situation but the thoughts of trying lingers around, makes me feel bad more than ever.

Honestly, I can't satisfy everyone.

And I'm not sure if I can trusts men either. What they did normally would be.. walking out on you when they've got what they want. What a bloody selfish bastard.

You stupid old hag!

There's this saying that I've just invented:

"Once a white thrash, you'll always be a white thrash!"

Long story short, once upon a time, there was this old Canadian hag. He is almost 60, with a plastic penis (yeah, because he has erectile dysfunction so he had a plastic inserted inside his dying schlong) for his hos, a balding head, he is superstitious (come on, he believes every little piece of crappy Shaman talks -__-) and very pengotor nak mampus. He thinks the world revolves around him because he has a lotta money. COME ON. Nobody gives a a flying fuck except a Filipino gold digger who's probably my age. When someone so young dated an old hag like you, all she thinks about is the day you'll die and the kaaaching she's gonna get. Geddit, you douche bag?

Oh yes, I'm angry. I'm beyond angry. My mom married this douche, treated him like a king and now he's tossing her away because he found a new herpes infected vagina to play with.

Luckily, I've just got a new job. I can't wait to get away from this mess and shit. Packing all our stuff and leave. This old hag can roll and die on the streets for all I care. I feel like setting his clothes on fire. Fucking douche. Asshole.

Sorry for all the swearing but I really hope that he'll stumble upon this blog of mine and realize that he was never welcome to enter this family at the first place.

Mother fucker.

2010

To be honest, I am not sure myself if I have any other higher expectations this year, well, I mean, other than getting a new job in a brand new place and environment, getting married (now this is something new :P) or taking a part time course in fashion design or applying for MBA.

I hate my life. Sometimes I feel like a loser, as I end up working in a place where I shouldn't be. I was once a pretty successful career woman. But now, I work with a 60 year old lady who thinks she knows everything just because she's older. Just because I'm young, that does not mean I don't know what I'm doing. Just because I take care of a shop, that does not mean I didn't go to college and have a diploma & a degree. Just because I think you're wrong, that does not mean I want to show off how good I am. Damn, people sometime can be so pariah.

Honestly, I have no goals in life lately. I used to have them, but not anymore. My goals were crushed when my 10 years old relationship walked out on me 3 years ago. Since then, I am simply not that motivated to do anything. Weird, eh? I don't know why I let love affected me that bad, but shit happens. I am totally over the past now, but still, I find myself still living in a misery that I created myself. *sigh* Its a misery cum comfort zone. Omai. I must be really retarded when I'd said that.

Anyways, my baby sister is getting married this Friday/Saturday. I'm really excited for her. As for me, I don't know.. I don't really know. And I don't want to know either. It sucks having people asking your "SHIMA BILA NAK KAHWIN? DAH TUA KANNN?" -__- Ingat kawin ni benda main-main ke? Main cari je laki-laki mana suka, pastu nikah? Haih.. Kalau senang macam tu, maunya I kawin 5-6 kali dah. Meh. Rimas. Benci pun ada. Tu yang kekadang malas nak balik kampung. Makcik-makcik ramai yang k-po-chi.

Okay, back to 2010.. I think I'm going to try figuring something out before June. Chances that I'll be switching into a new job is pretty high, so from what I can say, I probably will be able to cross that off my 2010's Wish List.

Yang lain-lain tu, we shall just wait and see. ;)

-___-

Rasa macam nak demam la.. :(

Ni yang mula rasa tak best ni - hidung berair, tekak perit, mata rasa panas-panas gitu pastu toothache la pulak tetiba! MENCIIII!

Sib baik esok itu Nyonya keje sama shift ngan Jumie, haha :)

BAGUS BAGUS.

Tak yah ngadap muka dia and menambah kebencian di dada!

OKla, its late, nak try tido kalau boleh.

Night! (:

The Show by Lenka

OOOH this is one of the sweetest, cutest, chomel-est song ever! =)

Kebencian yang meluap-luap!

I hate the new colleague of mine. Just in case if she reads this, I want her to know that her breath stinks like a rotten rodent and nobody likes her.

Ha.

Will continue bitching later.

Blah blah..

Sorry for not updating, I have been super tired and busy for the past few days. I was thinking of writing something really worthy to say but I couldn't think of any interesting subjects.

Meh.

Lets just say, I'm pretty lazy. And I have a headache. And its almost 3 am, and I have to get up in less than 5 hours. FML.

Good night, I shall write more tomorrow. (:

Au revoir.

"Apabila kita mencintai seseorang, kita bisa memiliki hatinya, jiwanya dan tubuhnya tetapi bukan jalan hidupnya."

Welcome, 2010.

My very first entry for 2010. =)

Oh well, I was suppose to list down my new year's resolutions, and I will, when I get off work in.. 7 hours. -__-

Other than that, I'm not feeling great and I feel like choking someone to death.


Happy New Year, every one ;)